being high and living within limitations (e.g., outside on the deck). because i’m so cloudy, it forces me to act moment to moment assuming a high probability (30%? 80?) that I will forget that moment as it passes. so I write everything down. I aim for economy of strength and of purpose.
I am hungry. stella is hungry. does stella have food? I don’t know… [when the time comes that I find it useful to balance temper and desire…] I will go to the fridge. but first I will check stella’s bowls. if she is low on water, I will take up her water bowl. if she is low on food, I will take that up as well. regardless of either, I will move to the sink, putting me closer to the fridge… etc. yes. yep. blah. (but not blah blah blah because fuck her.)